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[throwabookatit]

you know there are only like five girls here how fucked up is that???

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[itwasfeyt]

[Her eyes are still screwed tightly shut, as she was trying to focus before. Now, she's not sure she can look Rebecca in the eye. But she has to say something, especially when she hears that worried tone.

She didn't expect herself to sound so weak though.]

I... I can't... I can't do anything...

[throwabookatit]

[ She wants, still, to believe Maya. But, she can't help the thoughts snaking their way through, stupid to hope anyway, stupid Becca, making their way around her throat and squeezing so she can't say a word. This is something Isabella would've done. What did you tell her- what did Ashton say? Ghosts aren't real. Stupid, stupid, of course nothing happened--

But to say that, any of that, while Maya's so vulnerable, it would be cruel. And it was cruel words that got her here, to begin with, her own fiery temper and stubborn words. She's not about to hurt another person, with her skepticism. So she shakes her head to pull herself from the thoughts, swallows them down deep with all the other bitter little shreds of emotion boiling inside her. Until there's nothing but a crushing, gut-wrenching sorrow, radiating from every inch of her. ]

Maya... I- it's fine. You said it was...a long shot anyway, you don't... You don't have to...

[itwasfeyt]

[How often had she lived with the public belief that her entire profession, the thing she was born into and destined to become the master of, was a lie? The thought of others here believing that was a crushing one....

Unbeknownst to Rebecca, of course. All of these feels crash together inside Maya, hiding under the desperate desire to appear like nothing is wrong, and her life isn't constantly falling apart around her.]

No... I wanted to give it a try. Even if it didn't work... even if I've tried it before, I was just hoping that maybe if I really put my mind to it... I could do something nice for you.

[throwabookatit]

[ And that just makes it worse. That this girl is saying those things, that she just wanted to do something nice for her, and here's Rebecca...

Begging for this. Denouncing it. Thinking, why do it, if it wouldn't work in the first place? The direct reason that this girl's in pain. Christ, it's just as bad as all the horrible pits of jealousy toward Isabella, her best friend, that she's felt all these years. Just as bad as the crushing resentment from playing the role she herself claims as her own.

Good job, Becca. Wonderful job. And now, all she has are the feelings in her gut, making her sick. ]

Maya... [ Find something to say. Find something helpful to say. ] ...The fact that you tried... I appreciate it. Even know this, I... Thank you. Really.