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[throwabookatit]

you know there are only like five girls here how fucked up is that???

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[itwasfeyt]

[How often had she lived with the public belief that her entire profession, the thing she was born into and destined to become the master of, was a lie? The thought of others here believing that was a crushing one....

Unbeknownst to Rebecca, of course. All of these feels crash together inside Maya, hiding under the desperate desire to appear like nothing is wrong, and her life isn't constantly falling apart around her.]

No... I wanted to give it a try. Even if it didn't work... even if I've tried it before, I was just hoping that maybe if I really put my mind to it... I could do something nice for you.

[throwabookatit]

[ And that just makes it worse. That this girl is saying those things, that she just wanted to do something nice for her, and here's Rebecca...

Begging for this. Denouncing it. Thinking, why do it, if it wouldn't work in the first place? The direct reason that this girl's in pain. Christ, it's just as bad as all the horrible pits of jealousy toward Isabella, her best friend, that she's felt all these years. Just as bad as the crushing resentment from playing the role she herself claims as her own.

Good job, Becca. Wonderful job. And now, all she has are the feelings in her gut, making her sick. ]

Maya... [ Find something to say. Find something helpful to say. ] ...The fact that you tried... I appreciate it. Even know this, I... Thank you. Really.