I wanted to tell you this...years ago, I should have- [ Her voice cracks, and she trembles, visibly. ] I should've said something before both of us were--
[ And then...a voice. She hasn't programmed the simulation to talk. Isn't quite sure how to, even, after her last disaster, trying to create a real-to-life Isabella and Ashton. It's not even Ash's voice, it's--
She turns, hand hanging in the air and eyes wide. ]
[ He knows he should probably apologize--part of him knew that her talking to the simulation wasn't a good thing. Or maybe, he had assumed too much.
Still, there's a reason why he hadn't bothered to do the same--he doesn't know what he'd do if he'd actually seen them again. Regardless, the brunet tentatively steps more into the room proper rather than just lingering just barely around the entrance. ]
Talking to someone from home?
[ That being said, it's a simulation, but-- ]
...Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt, but I wanted to make sure that everything was alright.
[ He also couldn't help but wonder what she had been about to say. ]
[ Honestly, Rebecca looks like she's been caught in the midst of committing a crime. Did you hear, she wants to ask, but asking would imply...there was something off in what she was saying. ]
Uhh... Y- yes, I was just- just trying to...to get something off my chest, since...whatever happens, I won't- it's...someone I won't...be able to talk to, anymore, so...
[ ...There's a moment of hesitation--he'll still ask about it. But if it doesn't work out he'll try to see if there's another way to help. ]
...So that's why you were about to ask something to that man?
[ He has no idea what she was going to ask, but he figured he should let her know that he'd heard some of it. It seemed only polite, even if it's just kind of definitely a bit of an awkward situation--partially because he doesn't quite know all that much. Only that she's in a bad place. ]
No, um... Ashton. [ It's a name she's mentioned to him. ] He's- Ash, I was g-going to...tell him, something, it- just something personal. That I...should've said, a long while ago.
[ She's looking away, wiping at her eyes. Trying to hold it together. ]
[ ...Someone who she wouldn't be able to see again--Ashton, the detective.
He starts to connect the dots--did that mean something had happened to him? The realization sort of just comes onto his face at that time, and he--what can he say to that? He...
Terra can tell she's crying--he already knows she lost Isabella. So if she lost Ashton too, then... ]
...Alright.
[ He pauses and then when he speaks, his voice is a touch gentler. ]
Is this what you want? If it is, then I'll leave you so you can say what needs to be said. But, if you don't want to, you can sort of just take a break before you get back to it. Maybe talk a little, if there's something you want to get off your chest--maybe something you wouldn't be able to by saying what you'd want to say to him.
... To Ashton.
[ It's true that Terra's always been awkward about this, but if there's one thing that can be said about him is that he'll always try his best for those he considers important to him. At the same time, this is radically different than he'd anticipated, and he does want to give her some options. ]
[ To tell Terra about this? She's...only spoken with Luke (against her will) and here, Hank. But...
...But otherwise, she's just talking to herself, isn't she? She glances back at the simulation, and then looks to Terra. ]
Of course it's not. What I want is- is to be able to say it to him, the real him. But I- I wasted too much bloody time. [ Again, she glances back. ] At least, if I just...if I just say to something like him, I can st-stop...stop obsessing, about--
[ Just say it, Rebecca. Just tell him. She shuts her eyes. Then, she can imagine she's somewhere else. The street outside the cafe, on a cloudy Luxbourne night. Somewhere...not here. ]
...About how I've always been...in love with him. S-since Secondary. Since he...stood in front of me, and defended me. [ Her voice cracks. ] Since I told him I would never leave.
[ But her eyes open again, at that, and her view of the world's blurry. ]
Right good that all did. I-I just let myself r-revolve around him, without thinking of- of what he w-wanted, and-- and couldn't even keep that fucking promise...!
[ Terra feels a spark of surprise at the revelation, but he doesn't judge her at all. How could he, when she's clearly suffering...and love isn't a bad thing--he should know, since he loved his friends dearly. Even if it's different, he thinks it can be good as well.
At the same time, it's clear that it can be painful, should the right (wrong) conditions present themselves.
How long has she been thinking this, he wonders? She's being so hard on herself right now. ]
Rebecca...
[ He steps forward, towards her, and she's said her piece, but now what? How could he support her? He's turning over some things in his head. In the end he says what comes natural to him. ]
...I'm sorry, for what happened--that you're not able to say those words to him.
I don't know what promise you made to him either, but I'm sure that wherever he's resting...he'd be honored to know that you've tried your best to keep it. I don't know him that well, but I feel that in my heart it's true.
[ ... ]
And I can't forget how many times you've looked out for everyone that you could, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who can't. What I'm also saying here is... it's just too hard for me to imagine you only revolving yourself around just one person--even someone you love.
[ He can't tell her to not blame herself, but maybe he can hope to soften the blow.
Maybe it was different when she was back home, but... Terra wasn't going to just let her talk at him without saying something in return. He'd decided to do his best to support her, after all. ]
[ She shakes her head, unable to keep herself from crying. ]
You...you don't understand, I- I've been a horribly selfish person. Waiting, f-for him to notice, for...seventeen damn years, thinking i-it'd be a given...a-and then, when other people came into our lives...when I knew...h-he cared for Isabella...
[ Another shake, how could she be jealous of a dead girl, but she says-- ]
How could I... How could I be jealous of my best friend...?! How could I let...a silly crush, get in the way of everything...?! How could I not realize u-until- until it's too late...to do anything...
[ Her shoulders sag, and it's in defeat, as she admits what's been weighing on her mind for the last few weeks. ]
Until I- I already...left his side...just like she did.
[ The look on his face was undeniable at this point when she's rebuffing his statements. Some part of him expected that, actually. ]
What do you mean? You can't help how you feel--even if it's something...like that, it doesn't mean you've done--
[ Terra's words had just kind of suddenly stopped, when he realized what she meant. He didn't get it at first, but when he remembered what she'd said of Isabella, it suddenly all came together for him...and now, he just felt himself go cold. ]
[ It sounded stupid, but the question came out before he could say that. ]
You're...you're...
[ She can't be. It didn't make sense, she was standing right here, right in front of him. He reached out for a moment, before allowing his hand to fall to his side--this wasn't the time to do something so stupid. He didn't need to touch her to know that she was right here, right in front of him. ]
Are you saying you're dead?
[ He needed to make sure, that he didn't misunderstand. ]
[ That's what all of this came down to, isn't it? In the end, the reason she's here...
It's because, herself. Isabella. Ashton. Hell, probably everyone who laid eyes on that letter. They met the curse's end.
Slowly, she nods, unable to stop her face from growing more and more pale. Probably, the conversation they had after Viral's trial is taking on whole new meaning now. ]
I was killed by the same thing that m-murdered my friends.
And then...he swallows thickly, standing there feeling like a fool. Not Rebecca's fault, or anything like that, but he--how could he ever imagined he'd be able to help her at that time? ]
Rebecca, I...I didn't know.
[ What does he say to that?
Even he needs a moment, before he manages to slightly sort things out so he isn't making a fool out of himself or making things worse for Rebecca. Or at least trying not to because he has a habit of making it worse sometimes.
Part of him even becomes angry, that this would happen to her--and that some sick bastard upstairs thought it'd be great to mess with people to the point where they'd pull in anyone...regardless of their situation.
Terra then just...holds out his hand to her. ]
...If you need a shoulder, I don't mind offering you one. [ ... ] Because to me, you still deserve to be treated like a normal living human being--that hasn't changed for me, no matter what I've learned.
[ He doesn't do it often, but he's offering to sort of embrace her. He doesn't just do that when people are crying still because he's so awkward about this sort of thing. However, he thinks it might be warranted, considering how shitty everything is for her. ]
[ A whimpered gasp escapes her lips, and though she looks from Terra's hand for a moment back to his face, it takes only moments of hesitation for her stumble forward, sobbing. ]
I didn't either! I st- still don't remember, I just keep...waiting t-to...but I- Connor, he got- he got a ph-photo... A crime scene photo, it- I was--
[ She squeaks this out, trembling, unable to finish the sentence. ]
[ It doesn't matter that she doesn't finish, because to him, she really doesn't need to. When she does stumble forward, he believes that's answer enough to what he had previously offered, and he takes another step forward, to meet her the rest of the way.
When he's close enough, his arms encircle her to bring her into an embrace. ]
...Take a moment--you don't need to say anymore right now.
[ Terra certainly thinks it's not too strange for her to need a respite of some sort. She had been holding onto this burden for awhile. ]
[ This has been her, for so many here. Holding others, who've shared the same kind of knowledge. For Ashton, back home. The normal, resentful hiss would rise up, every time, to tell her it's not fair, that she has to be the responsible one, when she's going through so much. The one she's coming to loathe, as she realizes how much this stems from the selfish habits she's been quietly cultivating since childhood.
Selfish.
But...this isn't...selfish, is it? After all this- it's not for little, petty things. It's the loss of her entire life. A loss she can't even properly mourn, her own...the others...
It's not like the arguments she's had with Belle. It's not like any of that. So, the hiss doesn't arise this time. She has nothing to squash down into the guilty little pit of her stomach.
And so, she leans into the embrace, relief spreading over her. It hurts, to share this. But, to keep it in... That's been much worse. ]
He couldn't have ever imagined that he'd be hearing of something like this, but he's as honest as he was when he stated that it hadn't changed how he'd seen her. It was surprising, among other things--such as even horrifying to know she suffered a fate--but at the end of the day, right now, she was still alive.
And if there's anything Terra wanted to do right now, or anytime he could, it would be to be there for those who mattered to him. He didn't mind at all and nothing would ever change that. ]
I'll be here for as long as you need.
[ The brunet thought to amend to what he'd said not too long ago. It was late, but as far as he's concerned, they had more than enough time on their hands. ]
[ That's also what she always tells everyone else. It's...strange, to hear it repeated back.
She doesn't stop crying for awhile. Eventually, it fades, to shaking shoulders and hitched breaths, and she finds herself pulling away, gently, after that. Rebecca still can't bring herself to be comfortable in the arms of a man she's recently met for long--but, it helps...it helps knowing she's so many more friends, to have her back.
Still, she can't bring herself to look up at him. Breathy and quiet, it's like she wants to disappear into the ground. ]
Th- thank you, I... [ Breath catches. ] I d- didn't mean to...completely fall to pieces, but I- ...w-well, I guess I was overdue.
[ It's a miserable statement, a half-joke, but it's true; just about every week, she's crushed by another new revelation...or the weight of those that keep piling up. ]
[ People wouldn't think it at first glance, maybe, but he's a very patient man, and he doesn't mind waiting for her to compose herself. He'd indicated he was willing to wait, after all.
Terra smiles, but it's a slight thing and not at all inappropriate for the given situation--not altogether humorous or overly so. ]
It's no problem--I'm just glad I was able to help.
[ To be a pillar of strength when someone needed it, and he'll slowly draw his arms away. ]
...It did sound like you were. [ ... ] No offense, or anything, it's just something like that's hard to carry on your shoulders by yourself.
I... A few of the others know. Connor...a-and Hank.
[ It puts her argument with Connor in new light as well, probably. ]
Last...week, I- I was...g-going to, after coming to terms with it, tell some people, but then...A-Ash's jacket, covered in...bl-blood, and...then Stuart turned out to be...
[ The look on her face is something between a grimace and a scowl. Pain, anger, all at once. ]
...So I...h-had a hard time...deciding what to do.
[ That it does; Terra hadn't known that they were...so close. It's good to know that she at least had told others and had people to turn to in times like these. ]
...With all of that happening at once, I don't think no one could blame you for not being able to.
[ One of her hands goes to the string necklace as she nods, miserably. It travels from the drill, to the feathers. The feathers that, Terra may notice, match the collar of the simulation behind them.
Feathers from Ashton's jacket. ]
It's like... It's like I can't even get a second, to catch my breath.
[ It's easy to hear how desperate Rebecca sounds at this point, and at her words, he finds himself without a way to communicate to her that everything would be alright. How could he, when he wasn't sure of that? When their future, in the face of the Administration's dark designs, still seemed so bleak, even with the best of their efforts put forward? ]
...If you start to feel you can't, promise me you'll come to me. I'll--
[ ...... ]
--we have to manage it somehow. And I already decided that no matter what happens, I'll be by your side--so I'll be your strength. If you feel you don't have anymore left, I don't mind being someone you can continue to lean on whenever you need it.
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throwabookatit) wrote2018-08-25 09:36 pm
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[ And then...a voice. She hasn't programmed the simulation to talk. Isn't quite sure how to, even, after her last disaster, trying to create a real-to-life Isabella and Ashton. It's not even Ash's voice, it's--
She turns, hand hanging in the air and eyes wide. ]
T- Terra. I... I w-was just...
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Still, there's a reason why he hadn't bothered to do the same--he doesn't know what he'd do if he'd actually seen them again. Regardless, the brunet tentatively steps more into the room proper rather than just lingering just barely around the entrance. ]
Talking to someone from home?
[ That being said, it's a simulation, but-- ]
...Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt, but I wanted to make sure that everything was alright.
[ He also couldn't help but wonder what she had been about to say. ]
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Uhh... Y- yes, I was just- just trying to...to get something off my chest, since...whatever happens, I won't- it's...someone I won't...be able to talk to, anymore, so...
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[ ...There's a moment of hesitation--he'll still ask about it. But if it doesn't work out he'll try to see if there's another way to help. ]
...So that's why you were about to ask something to that man?
[ He has no idea what she was going to ask, but he figured he should let her know that he'd heard some of it. It seemed only polite, even if it's just kind of definitely a bit of an awkward situation--partially because he doesn't quite know all that much. Only that she's in a bad place. ]
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[ She's looking away, wiping at her eyes. Trying to hold it together. ]
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He starts to connect the dots--did that mean something had happened to him? The realization sort of just comes onto his face at that time, and he--what can he say to that? He...
Terra can tell she's crying--he already knows she lost Isabella. So if she lost Ashton too, then... ]
...Alright.
[ He pauses and then when he speaks, his voice is a touch gentler. ]
Is this what you want? If it is, then I'll leave you so you can say what needs to be said. But, if you don't want to, you can sort of just take a break before you get back to it. Maybe talk a little, if there's something you want to get off your chest--maybe something you wouldn't be able to by saying what you'd want to say to him.
... To Ashton.
[ It's true that Terra's always been awkward about this, but if there's one thing that can be said about him is that he'll always try his best for those he considers important to him. At the same time, this is radically different than he'd anticipated, and he does want to give her some options. ]
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...But otherwise, she's just talking to herself, isn't she? She glances back at the simulation, and then looks to Terra. ]
Of course it's not. What I want is- is to be able to say it to him, the real him. But I- I wasted too much bloody time. [ Again, she glances back. ] At least, if I just...if I just say to something like him, I can st-stop...stop obsessing, about--
[ Just say it, Rebecca. Just tell him. She shuts her eyes. Then, she can imagine she's somewhere else. The street outside the cafe, on a cloudy Luxbourne night. Somewhere...not here. ]
...About how I've always been...in love with him. S-since Secondary. Since he...stood in front of me, and defended me. [ Her voice cracks. ] Since I told him I would never leave.
[ But her eyes open again, at that, and her view of the world's blurry. ]
Right good that all did. I-I just let myself r-revolve around him, without thinking of- of what he w-wanted, and-- and couldn't even keep that fucking promise...!
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At the same time, it's clear that it can be painful, should the right (wrong) conditions present themselves.
How long has she been thinking this, he wonders? She's being so hard on herself right now. ]
Rebecca...
[ He steps forward, towards her, and she's said her piece, but now what? How could he support her? He's turning over some things in his head. In the end he says what comes natural to him. ]
...I'm sorry, for what happened--that you're not able to say those words to him.
I don't know what promise you made to him either, but I'm sure that wherever he's resting...he'd be honored to know that you've tried your best to keep it. I don't know him that well, but I feel that in my heart it's true.
[ ... ]
And I can't forget how many times you've looked out for everyone that you could, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who can't. What I'm also saying here is... it's just too hard for me to imagine you only revolving yourself around just one person--even someone you love.
[ He can't tell her to not blame herself, but maybe he can hope to soften the blow.
Maybe it was different when she was back home, but... Terra wasn't going to just let her talk at him without saying something in return. He'd decided to do his best to support her, after all. ]
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You...you don't understand, I- I've been a horribly selfish person. Waiting, f-for him to notice, for...seventeen damn years, thinking i-it'd be a given...a-and then, when other people came into our lives...when I knew...h-he cared for Isabella...
[ Another shake, how could she be jealous of a dead girl, but she says-- ]
How could I... How could I be jealous of my best friend...?! How could I let...a silly crush, get in the way of everything...?! How could I not realize u-until- until it's too late...to do anything...
[ Her shoulders sag, and it's in defeat, as she admits what's been weighing on her mind for the last few weeks. ]
Until I- I already...left his side...just like she did.
[ Just like Isabella. Just like Isabella. ]
1/2
What do you mean? You can't help how you feel--even if it's something...like that, it doesn't mean you've done--
[ Terra's words had just kind of suddenly stopped, when he realized what she meant. He didn't get it at first, but when he remembered what she'd said of Isabella, it suddenly all came together for him...and now, he just felt himself go cold. ]
2/2
[ It sounded stupid, but the question came out before he could say that. ]
You're...you're...
[ She can't be. It didn't make sense, she was standing right here, right in front of him. He reached out for a moment, before allowing his hand to fall to his side--this wasn't the time to do something so stupid. He didn't need to touch her to know that she was right here, right in front of him. ]
Are you saying you're dead?
[ He needed to make sure, that he didn't misunderstand. ]
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It's because, herself. Isabella. Ashton. Hell, probably everyone who laid eyes on that letter. They met the curse's end.
Slowly, she nods, unable to stop her face from growing more and more pale. Probably, the conversation they had after Viral's trial is taking on whole new meaning now. ]
I was killed by the same thing that m-murdered my friends.
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She lost everything. Even her own life.
And then...he swallows thickly, standing there feeling like a fool. Not Rebecca's fault, or anything like that, but he--how could he ever imagined he'd be able to help her at that time? ]
Rebecca, I...I didn't know.
[ What does he say to that?
Even he needs a moment, before he manages to slightly sort things out so he isn't making a fool out of himself or making things worse for Rebecca. Or at least trying not to because he has a habit of making it worse sometimes.
Part of him even becomes angry, that this would happen to her--and that some sick bastard upstairs thought it'd be great to mess with people to the point where they'd pull in anyone...regardless of their situation.
Terra then just...holds out his hand to her. ]
...If you need a shoulder, I don't mind offering you one. [ ... ] Because to me, you still deserve to be treated like a normal living human being--that hasn't changed for me, no matter what I've learned.
[ He doesn't do it often, but he's offering to sort of embrace her. He doesn't just do that when people are crying still because he's so awkward about this sort of thing. However, he thinks it might be warranted, considering how shitty everything is for her. ]
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I didn't either! I st- still don't remember, I just keep...waiting t-to...but I- Connor, he got- he got a ph-photo... A crime scene photo, it- I was--
[ She squeaks this out, trembling, unable to finish the sentence. ]
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When he's close enough, his arms encircle her to bring her into an embrace. ]
...Take a moment--you don't need to say anymore right now.
[ Terra certainly thinks it's not too strange for her to need a respite of some sort. She had been holding onto this burden for awhile. ]
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Selfish.
But...this isn't...selfish, is it? After all this- it's not for little, petty things. It's the loss of her entire life. A loss she can't even properly mourn, her own...the others...
It's not like the arguments she's had with Belle. It's not like any of that. So, the hiss doesn't arise this time. She has nothing to squash down into the guilty little pit of her stomach.
And so, she leans into the embrace, relief spreading over her. It hurts, to share this. But, to keep it in... That's been much worse. ]
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He couldn't have ever imagined that he'd be hearing of something like this, but he's as honest as he was when he stated that it hadn't changed how he'd seen her. It was surprising, among other things--such as even horrifying to know she suffered a fate--but at the end of the day, right now, she was still alive.
And if there's anything Terra wanted to do right now, or anytime he could, it would be to be there for those who mattered to him. He didn't mind at all and nothing would ever change that. ]
I'll be here for as long as you need.
[ The brunet thought to amend to what he'd said not too long ago. It was late, but as far as he's concerned, they had more than enough time on their hands. ]
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She doesn't stop crying for awhile. Eventually, it fades, to shaking shoulders and hitched breaths, and she finds herself pulling away, gently, after that. Rebecca still can't bring herself to be comfortable in the arms of a man she's recently met for long--but, it helps...it helps knowing she's so many more friends, to have her back.
Still, she can't bring herself to look up at him. Breathy and quiet, it's like she wants to disappear into the ground. ]
Th- thank you, I... [ Breath catches. ] I d- didn't mean to...completely fall to pieces, but I- ...w-well, I guess I was overdue.
[ It's a miserable statement, a half-joke, but it's true; just about every week, she's crushed by another new revelation...or the weight of those that keep piling up. ]
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Terra smiles, but it's a slight thing and not at all inappropriate for the given situation--not altogether humorous or overly so. ]
It's no problem--I'm just glad I was able to help.
[ To be a pillar of strength when someone needed it, and he'll slowly draw his arms away. ]
...It did sound like you were. [ ... ] No offense, or anything, it's just something like that's hard to carry on your shoulders by yourself.
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I... A few of the others know. Connor...a-and Hank.
[ It puts her argument with Connor in new light as well, probably. ]
Last...week, I- I was...g-going to, after coming to terms with it, tell some people, but then...A-Ash's jacket, covered in...bl-blood, and...then Stuart turned out to be...
[ The look on her face is something between a grimace and a scowl. Pain, anger, all at once. ]
...So I...h-had a hard time...deciding what to do.
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...With all of that happening at once, I don't think no one could blame you for not being able to.
[ Not that he'd ever do that anyway. ]
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Feathers from Ashton's jacket. ]
It's like... It's like I can't even get a second, to catch my breath.
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It doesn't seem like you don't get much time, no.
[ ... ]
...I think you're strong, for being able to still go through all of what you did, and still remain the person you are right now.
[ If only things didn't have to be that way in the first place, though. No one should have to lose so much--or anyone at all. ]
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I can feel myself j-just...losing it, a little more each day, I- Terra, if this k-keeps happening, I don't...think I can.
[ She's scared. Her death, her friends', everyone's here. It's all piling up. ]
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...If you start to feel you can't, promise me you'll come to me. I'll--
[ ...... ]
--we have to manage it somehow. And I already decided that no matter what happens, I'll be by your side--so I'll be your strength. If you feel you don't have anymore left, I don't mind being someone you can continue to lean on whenever you need it.
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