good student "shirou"

[throwabookatit]

angra mainyu, more like My New Son

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WEEK 4

[throwabookatit]

Friday, after investigation

[throwabookatit]

[ Honestly, Starbucks is a damn blessing. A little cafe, to drink and just try and find some peace? Yeah, considering the garden's a pretty cursed place now, this is where Rebecca gravitates, when there's nothing else to do but wait.

What Rebecca keeps remembering is how Maya was just a kid. How the one request she'd ever made of Rebecca was a hug. It leaves her lost in thought, as she sips tea and...doesn't touch the pastries in front of her. ]

[swordsinternally]

[ Also considering that the cafeteria and kitchen are also now absolutely cursed, Starbucks is actually definitely a good place to sit down and have a meal, which is why he's actually here with what seems to be some basic onigiri in each hand, if only because he's certain that he probably wouldn't be able to stomach anything more.

But he's actually... doing surprisingly well in spite of knowing who died.

Or maybe he's just trying to fool yourself. ]

Ah, Rebecca-sensei. Do you mind if I sit and keep you company?

[throwabookatit]

[ She glances up, with a taut smile. ]

Shirou... No, of course not. Come sit down, alright?

[swordsinternally]

Sure.

[ He nods in response before grabbing a chair to sit on. ] How are you doing after... that?

[throwabookatit]

I'm... [ That's sure a question. Her hand idly plays with the drill around her neck. ] I think I'm doing as well as one could, after...all that.

[ So, not fantastic. ] What about you?

[swordsinternally]

Better than the last couple weeks, surprisingly.

[ His voice manages to keep its calm throughout, in fact. ] Although one could probably argue that might be because I'm too used to death. Although I can't exactly say that I'm enjoying all of this, either. Week after week, we learn more, and yet... we still can't stop someone from dying on Friday, and I'm sick of it. It's like everything is purposely out of our reach.

[throwabookatit]

[ Rebecca raises her eyebrows, surprised at first, but...well, the more he goes on, the more understanding she appears. ]

Someone once told me, the more you see things like this, the more you get used to it. The more you have to. I suppose...with how much you've experienced, and...what you remember experiencing, now, you're at that point now, huh?

[swordsinternally]

Yeah. I have memories of Emiya Shirou's life, so... I've seen a lot of death, through his memories. Ever since he was a child.

[throwabookatit]

And...your own memories? Are those still elusive, to you?

[swordsinternally]

There's not much to remember as myself. Not in life, anyway. But after I became like this... I'm pretty sure that I still have a lot of things that I've forgotten.

[throwabookatit]

Do you...want to remember them? From how you talked, about yourself, it seems... I don't mean to be presumptuous. This is probably an inappropriate question from...a woman trying to process her own grief.

[swordsinternally]

I have to, don't I? If I keep those memories locked up forever... then I'll just end up running away from myself.

[throwabookatit]

[ A light hum. ]

...You're a brave boy, Shirou. A...brave person.

[swordsinternally]

Well... it was bound to happen eventually. I might not like everything I remember. But I have to accept it.

[throwabookatit]

I'm sure, it'll be far beyond my experience. But, I- if you need...to talk about it, with someone, when you do remember... I'll be willing to listen.

[swordsinternally]

I'd appreciate that. And... the same goes for you too, sensei. If you want to talk about it.

[throwabookatit]

Ohh, I... I...wouldn't want to trouble any of you, with things like that. They're-- they're mostly...silly selfish matters, anyway. Or...confusing things.

[swordsinternally]

I honestly wouldn't mind at all. Even if it's selfish or confusing, it's better to at least talk to someone than to keep it all in.

[throwabookatit]

[ That's...true. Hm. ]

I appreciate the offer, Shirou. But... I'll think about it. Maybe once I...wrap my mind around more of it.

[swordsinternally]

That's alright. But just know that my offer's still going to be there.

[throwabookatit]

I'll remember. ...Thank you. For someone...who was made all the world's evil, you really... Really aren't what they tried to make you into.

[swordsinternally]

I think part of that kindness... came from understanding the memories of someone who was.

[throwabookatit]

Part of it. Some part of it's still you. You still had to be the one to understand, didn't you?

[swordsinternally]

Well, yeah. And I get his mindset... even if it's warped.